I'm celebrating a birthday soon. Some thoughts. ¶ My twenties were more complicated than I had thought they would be. I had a vision, I think now it was both premature and a little incoherent, that in your twenties you'd profit from life at no cost. Young enough to do what you wanted and yet old enough to make some real money, meet some amazing women, and travel (actually and metaphorically) whenever the spirit needed fuel. Though ironically this is how I'll ultimately remember my twenties, I didn't bank on the early heartache, the constant questioning, the self-inflicted existential trials, the anxiety, and the impossible-to-avoid-posturing. Only now (knowing even less) do I appreciate the fruits of quiet confidence. Quiet confidence born out of all that God-damned confusion. It started to dawn on me about a year ago (birthday time!) that I spent a great deal of time after university not enjoying life fully. Isn't that strange? It is strange because I have an amazing family and one of the best groups of friends anyone could ever ask for. I know a lot of people say this but keep in mind that not everyone says this. I'm lucky. But in my pea-brain I was too aware of what other's were thinking or not thinking, too paralyzed by a vision to see what I actually had, and too lacking in life experience. But, alas, I don't think there is any other way. I still have what I've been calling vision but now it's a nuanced vision that feeds off my actual experience, my tangible happiness, and my settled soul. ¶ Early on with Pauline I felt that, while we have very distinct styles and approaches, we rested very well together. I took great comfort in that because it meant that ultimately, when the fast-talking opinions and perspectives were finished for a day, we could return to our bedrock. We can do this for a myriad of personal reasons. Regardless, it's a comfort that has had an untold positive influence on my entire life for, no matter what unfolds, ever. ¶ Tomorrow gives me an electric feeling that I launch ever forward: to new experiences, evolving friendships, creative and professional satisfaction, and, of course, resting easy with herself. ¶ Free advice, worth every cent, in no particular order. Don't run for a subway train. Put yourself in someone's shoes, not just when you're reflecting, but in the moment. Order what you think the chef likes to cook. Enjoy what you have. If you're witty, keep it up. If you're not, listen for it. Knowing is about a tenth of the battle. Meaning is everywhere, be a good editor. And last, but not least, try at least one new food item every year.

Labels: Vague

¶ 11:01 AM
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