Okay, so I know that I can get pretty mainstream sometimes but HOW COME NOBODY I KNOW HAS RECOMMENDED THAT I WATCH 'HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER'? This is a good (however imperfect) American sitcom. ¶ P.S. I haven't had this many blog ideas in one night in about two years (they're forthcoming, don't worry)! G'night. ¶ P.P.S. I love how film has finally embraced the subtitle as a form. Yes!

Labels: Musings, TV

¶ 12:17 AM

I've just now put on Scanners, a film directed by a Canadian, David Cronenberg. It is paused as I write this. It occured to me earlier tonight, and just now, that it's quite a gift, film. On the one hand, it's "simply another mode of expression" and on the other, we know it is much more. We knew it from the beginning, and only now does the punch of photography wind us. We love life so much, that we not only act it out, but we tape it. We record and edit human actions to such a fine degree that the result is, in some rare cases, art! And that is the thought I'm reminded of tonight. And we laugh at the cynics and the broken in show business. But be honest. Who doesn't love a great show? ¶ THANK YOU !!!

Labels: Cinema, Musings

¶ 11:55 PM

But I just feel too tired to be fighting, guess I'm not the fighting kind. ¶ I knew I wasn't the fighting kind when I realised that I had thrown my last punch. I think quite a bit about my friends, and my family, and how much they mean to me. I think it's hard to really express it, and then... and then. ¶ I have learned so much from my friends and my family that they are, in reality, EVERYTHING. I am so lucky. But yet, the crystal ball calls my name, the lottery ticket beckons. And, beyond all that, the world is waiting. ¶ Thank you!

Labels: Gratitude, Lyric, Musings

¶ 1:48 AM

I battle, like most people I'm sure, with the overwhelming amount of information available on the Internet. On the one hand, it's there and it's potentially useful. On the other hand, it's distracting and not always a good use of one's time. It's clear now that the do-it-yourself movement is not unrelated to the Internet. With so much information available people simply can where they once couldn't. Moreover, you can actually say and deliver things over the Internet which extends the movement into other realms of experience like career development and sales. For example. Today if you want to be a Filmmaker you simply make films until people with capital call on you to make the same sort of thing you've already made, but this time with an army. If you want to act, then you write a show and shoot it and upload it to YouTube. You do. ¶ In any case, there are some good blogs out there with useful things to say about life, habits, work, and everything in between. I read LifeHacker daily, WorkHappy lately, and just now I discovered ElephantStaircase. And suddenly, and without warning, Martin realised he could do it. He just needed a little help. ¶ Speaking of great things online, I discovered quite possibly the best podcast since I discovered The New York Times Book Review podcast. It's IndieFeed's Hip-Hop/Rap podcast (click here to subsribe). Dirty Dutch hosts the prolific podcast with such ease and appeal, it's easily the best of it's kind online.

Labels: Musings, Respect, YouTube

¶ 12:04 PM

Some time ago the seed of a plan was planted in my brain. It looked quite likely that I would be moving from Toronto, at least temporarily, and just after my freelancing career was getting started. How would this work? What was my job? Could I do what I do in another country? In a town? At a cabin? Let me back up. ¶ Four years ago I made the decision to work part-time with the agency where I was employed. Since I had paid my dues with them, and for other reasons, they agreed. I would work three days a week for a salary that I felt was more than what I needed (Sidebar: this is a very real avenue for very many people who think it is impossible. Look into it!). I would spend those other two days working exclusively on what I guess you could call investment projects—projects that didn't actually pay the rent but one day might—and life was good. The main point of that exercise was to prove to myself that it was possible to have a "real job" that didn't take over the majority of my time. I am, and have always been, disposed to anxious feelings when I feel overwhelmed by a structure from without. ¶ The first time I can remember feeling this way was in grade four. Up to that point I had always enjoyed the freedom inherent in Western schooling. My teacher in grade four, however, managed to turn school into work and work into stress and, as a result, I had my first anxiety problem. It manifested itself in a deep reluctance to get out of bed on Mondays and a feeling of despair throughout the day. I remember it lifted that spring when the prospect of travelling overseas to Cyprus presented itself. The next time it hit was in grade twelve. I went to another high school's dance and all of a sudden I felt like I popped out of my skin. Again with the despair, but along for the ride came a temporary bout of hypochondria brought on by a very real case of anxiety. Nothing except the good guidance of smart doctors (and one dumb one) helped me on my way. I decided that university would take care of itself and that worrying about honour rolls and marks was a fool's game. I still believe that, but everyone has a different take. Since high school I've had a few episodes, but we're really just talking about a fairly normal thing; I write about it because I feel this sort of thing is quite common. It's a hobby horse of mine because I've been able to gain a substantial amount of happiness by working through my shortcomings. ¶ So I moved to part-time work in part for my sanity and in part for my future. However, I knew the move was temporary. Ultimately I knew that I would work for myself but I wasn't ready. This sort of self-knowledge is easy to write about now but nearly impossible to recognize in the moment. I did, however, appreciate the aesthetic beauty of transition and decided it was a sensible (read: higher probability of success) thing to do. I'm one for not shying away from the Big Important Decisions but it's quite clear that these decisions need the help of a thousand smaller moves. ¶ In April 2005 I finally gave my notice effectively ending my employed career. Since then I've been self-employed. It's been the best year of my career (big surprise when you consider the build-up) and even though it rightly scared the youknowwhat out of my folks and herself, I had the advantage of self-knowledge (as skewed as that can get) to help me through it. For some reason the prospect of having no money just doesn't have a grip on me and that fact alone has been part of the reason why the year has worked. It's not for everyone but for everyone it's for, it's a blessing. But that's just the start! ¶ And so here I am at the Gladstone Hotel, writing my 601st post on, for the first time, a notebook computer that is poised to become my mobile canvas, workstation, and tool of my trade. I did some real work today, too, which pleases me, but the real importance of today is clearly the personal meaning it holds for me. It's the first day of quite literally a world of possibility. And for once I'm talking about this actual world.

Labels: Freelancing, Musings, Toronto

¶ 12:42 PM

You're so cute when you're slurring your speech / But they're closing the bar and they want us to leave. ¶ It was about the time when I really started to get going with writing on Siteway that I introduced myself to writings of Carlos Castaneda. The book in question, Journey to Ixtlan, was in my possesion but I forget how I came to own it. Reading it for the first time resembled re-reading something familiar and yet it was a trip to know it was completely novel. I loved the structure, the dualism, the humour, and especially the broad strokes. It's a writing style that I'm still drawn to but like many things in art, I'm mostly disappointed by. I don't even wish to make comparisons but let me just say that other popular philosophy books have left me underwhelmed, or, at least, have not hit me when I was ready or able for them. So it was with some great anticipation that I awaited a friend's gift to my fiancee for her birthday as it would provide me an opportunity to re-read it (again) since my copy had mysteriously disappeared. It's my Catcher in the Rye. On the subway this morning I was reading the beginning pages and I could feel the empathy within me rise. As I stepped off the train at Yonge station a kind-eyed relaxed brown-skinned gentleman looked up to me and said, "that book is incredible." I told him that I agreed and then he responded, "all his books are incredible." I smiled back at him and exited his world forever. I'm inclined to think that we both thought about the spiritworld for the rest of the morning. ¶ National Post illustration number three in tomorrow's paper: Mordecai Richler.

Labels: Lyric, Musings, NationalPost, Vague

¶ 1:35 PM

Receiving my eyeglasses today has given me, in tangible form, another dimension to what has been a month of exciting reckoning. On the first day of this month I gave up smoking cigarettes (sidebar: ever find it strange to read about cigarettes on a blog? I know I find it strange in part because it's so difficult to picture something so 1970s as smoke in the clean world of CSS beauty.) as part of what the marketers are calling Driven To Quit. It's a month-long contest encouraging folks who smoke to pack it in for at least a month. Successful cessation gives you an entry in a draw where prizes include a Honda Civic Hybrid and a bunch of huge flat televisions. So that was the impetus, and I'm happy to report that as of this writing I'm well on my way to succeeding. I go almost six years and 500 some-odd posts before I write about smoking and here I am with the second post in just a few weeks. ¶ So the weekend away in London, Ontario, provided me ample daydreaming time where I was able to picture my life there, starting in the fall. This sort of imaginary picturing is vital to my life. Pauline's going back to upgrade her BA from UWO and I'm there to continue building the Siteway business (including, but not limited to Siteway Select), designing as always, and generally enjoying my newlywed status. Part of my plan is to buy a workstation-replacement notebook and a smaller Wacom tablet to start the transition from home office to mobile office. Suggestions here are not only welcomed but encouraged. ¶ In other words: I'm slowly but surely making decisions about lifestyle and career that I've been putting on the backburner since I moved to Toronto. It nevers comes all at once, but this month has been an inspiring one because the work preceding it is actually bearing fruit. ¶ Off to Halifax in the morning. The blunt truth is that I haven't been looking forward to going home this much since the summer after first-year at Western. The reality is that my home is here now, but because I'm uprooting here and there for the next 24 months or so, and because I've never been able to show Halifax off to Pauline in the warmer months, I'm keen as a kitten. When I get back I've got a nice surprise for anyone who has ever taken an interest in Siteway and what I do online. ¶ P.S. The glasses are awesome. I can see. ¶ P.P.S. I don't think many of you know that I have a Flickr account. Check out some of my pictures.

Labels: Flickr, Londontown, Musings, SitewaySelect, SitewayWorld

¶ 2:02 PM

For the longest time I've been thinking about role models. And when I write a line like that what I mean is that I've been thinking about it since I can remember anything. I've been thinking about them not only insofar as my role models are concerned, but also just as a concept. I find the people that people look up to a fascinating notion. For example, a lot of people look up to members of their family. While others look up to people they don't even know. Still others look up to FICTIONAL persons. I like this landscape. It's interesting to see how some people like knowing the person they look up to because it reveals part of their hand: you have even chances at learning from your hero. On the flipside, of course, NOT knowing your hero moves beyond these sorts of details. You can learn from you hero ANYHOW because, well, they're either a legend or a genius or a prophet. And on the second flipside, you have the fictional heroes. In many ways, I aspire to having heroes that are fictional. At least then you won't be held accountable for their actions. ¶ Of course in this post I'm being overly emphatic. I think it's terrific that we hold people in high regard. I don't care if you know them or not, I'm just playing with an idea in the paragraph preceding. Ultimately I just love hearing people talk about other people.

Labels: Heroes, Musings, Vague

¶ 12:00 AM